we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
