Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You made out with two different species that night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
