You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
