How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize