If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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