I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
