Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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