tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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