I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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