So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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