I'm gonna have a badass scar
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
They are going to name an STD after you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
