My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
