Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
