your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
