I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
why is half of my head shaved?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
