I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
