I have demons in me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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