if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
