I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just googled if crying burns calories
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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