i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
