We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
