how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
