I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
no, he came in my armpit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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