barbara walters just said penis...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
