Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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