how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
