I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
did you just send me my own nude
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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