I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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