How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
