Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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