i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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