member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
