Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
