All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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