Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
