Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
