normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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