She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
