I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
