Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
