I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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