He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Damn victory sex feels great
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
