If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
