That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
