Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
