I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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