ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
false alarm, still single
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
