My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
