Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize