your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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