Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her vagine was all disorganized.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
