Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize