Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
