i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
