YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
