I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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