Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
