rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
