my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
