Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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