Plan B is the new Plan A
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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