dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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