What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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