Little spoons don't ask big questions
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
