I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
