I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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